An Alternative Universe- Women Ruling Golf

Get a load of this opening paragraph from the article entitled "Golf Searches for Its Feminine Side" by WSJ writer John Paul Newport:  "If the vast majority of golfers were women, with men accommodated mostly as an after though-in other words, the inverse of the way things actually are-the primary set of tees at most of the courses would be around 4,900 yards.
  Female players could reach every green in regulation (two shots on a par four).  Green fees would be cheaper, courses would have more flowers and aesthestic amenities and on-site restaraunts would serve healtier food.  Nine hole rounds, golf social events and league play would be more common.  Best of all, the pace of play would be significantly faster because, generally speaking, women are less fanatic about their performance than men are and don't tend to study every putt from 6 different direections before making a stroke". 

A great big applause for Mr. Newport and his article.  Quite a few of the things he mentions, we already do at our club.  We have plenty of golf social events, girls' nights out, play competitively in two different leagues and can check tee times to make sure we don't get booked behind a group of "slow" men.  I've discussed this alternative universe with my girl friends and have come up with some additional "enhancements".  Let's begin with no more 18 year old cart girls in 8" long short shorts.  Our cart personal would be Luke Donald or Camilo Villegas look alikes ready to mix our favorite cosmo on the spot.  With ice cold towels at the ready and perhaps a much needed neck massage at the turn.  The club house would no longer resemble a dusty old mens' British pub but would look like and have amenities similar to Canyon Ranch. And as Mr. Newport stated, much much healthier food.  And, for goodness sakes, no more of those nasty, smelly cigars.  If a man is caught dropping his cigar ashes or chewed up old butt on the green, he gets suspended for a month.  And we would do away with that bastion of segregation, the "mens' only" areas where they fart and snort and call their mistresses on the phone without their wife's knowledge. The club would be 100% non-smoking.   Women's tournaments would have scheduling priority.  And finally, in this wondrous alternate universe, when a man is playing with his spouse, he may not drive the cart (because he inevitably passes the womens' tees and hits every hole on he course knocking said spouse out of the cart) nor speak about his game (damn it, I bladed that iron, sh*t why can't I putt, f*ck, it went out of bounds)  nor give unsolicited advice to said spouse (particularly not helpful when the man is a 16+ handicap).  And there WOULD BE NO PEEING in the bushes when there's a comfort stop at the next hole...

If only....