Golfers Are Self Centered

Now why would you say that?  Because it's true.  My husband asked one of his oldest friends to come play in his member guest.  His friend's wife is also one of my dearest friends.  Of the four of us, she is the only one who doesn't play golf.  Not that we intentionally or consciously did this but all the three of us that golfed did was...talk about golf.  My dear friend would leave and go read a book.  Another example, please.  Well, how many times have you had to listen to a golfer go through every hole of a round they've just played?  Ahem...listen up husbands.  Or, you're riding in a cart with someone and all they do is talk about what they just did or what they need to do to improve on the next shot.  Shut the F*CK UP!  I'm trying to play my own game here!  The fact of the matter is NO ONE ELSE CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST DID!  I'm starting to get like Elaine on Seinfeld with the exclamation points. 

But since you're reading my blog, I've got you sort of trapped and will tell you about my almost Adam Scott moment.  Once a year we have a bracketed match play event we call our President's Cup.  We start out with the lowest handicapped person in the flight playing the highest handicapped player.  I'm a 19 and I played a 15 so she had to give me 4 strokes.  I make the turn 6 UP.  I said to myself, self, keep focused.  Just win a few more holes and you can put this away.  Not my usual philosophy.  My usual philosophy is "one shot at a time sweet Jesus, one shot at a time."  My husband says that's blasphemous.  Well, if Zac Johnson can thank God.  But the truth is I don't think God really is worried about my golf game.  I digress.  I tie 10.  Hit the ball in the water on 11 (loss), hit the ball in the water on 12 (loss), two chunks on 13 (loss).  So I'm now only three up.  Tie 14 with a 9 (wasn't pretty) and hit it in the water on 15 (loss), now two up.  Pulled, shanked and lost 16 even though I've got a stroke (loss), tie 17 and go into 18 one up.  I DID NOT WANT TO PLAY EXTRA HOLES.  Get a hold of yourself you dick nose (sorry, a popular phrase my husband uses).  Well, ladies and germs, I had a stroke on the last whole, a long par 5.  I get on in 4, she's on the fringe in 3.  She three putts and I one putt for a par and the win!  The crowd roars! 

Don't you just hate playing like that?  And don't you hate reading about it?

A Woman Who Loves Golf